This week’s materials reflected many things we witnessed with the recent election. First, there was a lot of talk from politicians about how they reject the idea that the US is racist. It brought to mind Johnson’s claim, that “[b]eing part of the solution to a trouble that already divides us begins with coming together around the simple truth that we’re all in trouble and that pretending we aren’t only keeps us apart.” (p.113) Secondly, looking at the reaction from the White House to the election results had me thinking about how “[p]rivilege keeps us from growing up.” (Goodman, p.123) When we gain so much through privilege, it can limit our ability to take responsibility for things. In some privileged spaces, success is almost guaranteed, so if an obstacle comes along, it can leave people unprepared to deal with it. Failure is a great teacher, but limited access to mistakes (or buffers from them) cut us off from growth. Lastly, Johnson pointed out that “[w]e cannot simply allow an opinion to be accepted as fact.” (p. 98) We are seeing so many examples of how this is impacting the health of the public and our democracy. In watching the reactions to the election I found this to be particularly poignant:
“...we receive contradictory messages as well- to help those less fortunate, to be kind to your neighbor, to treat others as you want to be treated. Nonetheless, the dominant values and social structures push us to act otherwise- to maintain the status quo and reserve our positions of power. Thus, this provides rich soil for the growth of resistance.” (Johnson, p.69)
The materials also poked at my own resistance that became apparent to me during the recent genealogy project. In my social locations come with many privileges, so I found it interesting that “[f]ew people from dominant groups feel powerful or greatly advantaged” even though we are. (Johnson, p. 70) One of the ways I do not feel powerful nor advantaged is by being a woman. Misogyny has played a large role in life. I related to Alice Miller’s concept of “hidden cruelties of childhood.” (p.71) Facing my own history with mental, emotional, and physical abuse does create times when I am more prone to claim victimhood than to want to acknowledge my own complicity in systems of oppression. Johnson’s observation that “[w]hen people’s needs for safety and stability are not met, they turn off, shut down, and avoid new information--hardly conditions for education to occur.” (p.63)
While I do feel that this same history is one of the reasons I can be so empathetic and willing to actively fight for equality and inclusion, I do recognize that it impacts the ways in which I can show up. For example, I identify with one of the Protections of Self mentioned; I am addicted to feeling competent. (p.74) Being seen as capable is important to me and is a reaction to all the times I have felt helpless. This can create a barrier to more learning and growth, because due to this, I struggle with being too independent and slow to trust. I long to live in ways that honor the interdependent web of all existence, but fear and emotional scars often leave me closed off. In this course, it comes through in all the ways I speak or write about these issues by keeping focused on external things. I can discuss politics, Sanctuary, my clients, my church, my community- but rarely manage to touch upon my personal realities. It feels too vulnerable to reveal these (so called) weaknesses. So I, like many abuse survivors, play things close to the vest.
I worry about this coping mechanism, though, for as Johnson points out “[t]his focus on their own concerns affects their openness and ability to participate in a self-reflective and critical educational process.” (p.71) I am actively working on ways to stay grounded in the idea that “[b]eing ‘involved’ makes me part of something larger, and I can’t stand alone as an isolated individual” (p.124) and that “[o]n the hook is where I can live fully in the world as it really is.” (p.124) I am seeing a shift in the work, from my active advocacy work, to more introspective work. My path forward requires me to occasionally put down the activism work, and make space to find new, healthier ways of being. Sometimes fighting oppression means just changing ourselves.
Comments