I recently went through my denominationally mandated psychological assessment. It was an intense process that lasted more than a month, culminating in two full days of self reflection and examination with a counselor and psychologist. It included a full autobiographical accounting of my life, more than half a dozen tests (Enneagram, Watson Glaser, MMPI, etc.) There were many things that I found problematic about the process, but I recognize the need for assessing people who will be serving in positions of power. The level of self introspection that it required is something in which I am very pleased to have engaged. Two of my key takeaways were that self differentiation and compassion are key. Additionally, it reinforced Traina’s idea that “for anyone holding power in a relationship the first response to an awareness of desire- whether aversion or attraction- must be an attentive embrace of the feeling.” (Traina, p. 44) For while “erotic love is simply attraction to and desire for whatever is good,” (Traina, p. 44) “[w]hen we look the other way from our experience, erotic or otherwise, we use rather than share the feelings of those others who participate in the experience with us. And without consent the use is abuse.” (Lorde, p. 58)
The process did support more of the ideas in this week’s readings. One takeaway included the knowledge of “attunement’s final quality: it is not a single act but virtue, cultivated and practiced over time.” (Traina, p. 47) We are all flawed. While there is always room for growth, it is not always about “fixing” ourselves or expecting ourselves to become something we are not, rather we can acknowledge and embrace ourselves and then set up enough systems of support and compassion to get what we need to thrive. We can learn to be attuned to the power and dynamics in our life and always strive to find the best way forward, which includes meeting our own needs outside of our church. This requires a healthy habit of self awareness. As Lorde points out, “[t]o refuse to be conscious of what we are feeling at any time, however comfortable that might seem, is to deny a large part of the experience, and to allow ourselves to be reduced to the pornographic, the abused, and the absurd.” (Lorde, p. 59)
This is also related to Mia Mingus’ work. Some of the ideas that came from the work of the Collective like:
“Who would you call on? For harm you’ve done versus as a victim”
not wanting to create dependance, but build people’s agency
Trying to change behavior so it won’t happen again
Asking people to invest in their own healing
..can be used to explore professional boundaries. The process of Transformative Justice also shared an important connection to setting healthy professional boundaries, which was that “[r]ecognizing the power of the erotic within our lives can give us the energy to pursue genuine change within our world, rather than merely settling for a shift of characters in the same weary drama.” (Lorde, p. 59)
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