Spring Quarter started with a mass shooting in Boulder. Eleven people died in the King Soopers. The day was filled with sirens, panicked friends, and many people needing comfort.
As we were all processing the fear, exhaustion, and anger our class had to read about embodiment. That kind of trauma impacts our Whole selves and I am learning the value of not just processing things intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually- but the real need to honor my physical form, too. Feeling things and listening to my body has not been a strength of mine. Many sexual assault survivors learn to divorce themselves from their physical form and get separated from the wisdom of their own body and senses. I am no different. Allowing myself to weep, shake, and scream in response to the mass shooting was cathartic. Listening to my body and trusting its signals has been a slow learning curve, but I am finally getting the hang of it.
Memorial at King Soopers
Ott's article brought my attention to the idea that “[h]ow we live in our skin affects...the confidence we have in all aspects of our lives, including our professional presence.” (Ott, 2013, p. 15) This relationship with our own bodies is foundational to how we interact with the rest of the world. Being in love with our own bodies projects outward, and vice versa. It can be the basis of “life-enhancing connection” with others. (Ott, 2013, p. 15) However, it can also be the source of great harm, to both ourselves and then, by extension, others. I have fallen into the trap of thinking that there is a pivotal moment when we arrive at a place of complete body acceptance. Ott’s perspective was a good reminder that this is the work of a lifetime because our bodies are constantly changing and our relationships with them must change, too. Just as “[h]ealth and wholeness are not a finish line we can cross; they are a state of being that must be constantly evaluated, pursued and sustained” so, too is our relationship with our bodies and the constant changes that are a part of having this physical form. (Ott, 2013, p. 17)
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