While I intellectually understand the issues and challenges of the cultural myth of meritocracy, I still find myself struggling with the embedded, unconscious ways that it still influences me. Individualism is a concept with which I struggle. I am good at building community, connecting others to community, and valuing community, yet I still have ingrained patterns reflecting that there are still vestiges of individualism in me. This can lead me to wrestle with trying to solve issues alone, rather than draw on the collective wisdom of my church, my denomination, and my community. My many years of running my own business and being a single mother have only exacerbated these tendencies.
An example would be a time when I had just begun a new job as Director of Congregational Life in a church. My responsibilities included church finances. It was brought to my attention that we had issues with unclear financial procedures around Sanctuary. I reviewed the processes and came up with a logical, streamlined new system. Then I brought it to the Treasurer and Finance Council, who all had questions, suggestions, and concerns. Then I connected with the church’s bookkeeper, who explained some bookkeeping issues with my solution. I met with the church’s Sanctuary Team and was in communication with the larger regional Sanctuary Team, all of whom had many different perspectives and concerns. Most importantly, I completely failed to include our Sanctuary guest in the deliberations about how to best set up the new systems! These systems include HER money. I had jumped in, and in my eagerness to succeed in this new job, use my previous expertise, and be efficient- had done the entire solution backwards. I should have begun with talking to the Sanctuary guest, then included all the other impacted groups and committees before considering a solution. The solution was to be determined in community- not in isolation. This is a prime example of white saviorism, and working “for” instead of “with” marginalized groups. This is not what allyship and solidarity look like. So, while I believe in the power of shared purpose, I fell back into old patterns of framing things exclusively as individualistic. It is more nourishing and sustaining to hold the belief that “people are not separate entities...but rather are part of a collective energy, that, when freely shared and received, become a powerful source of sustainable change in the world.” (Lewis et al., p. 54)
Comments